‘So what do you do, then?’ must be the dullest question any of us ask or are ever asked.

For many though, the answer given will define the way they are perceived for the rest of the evening / their lives.

So spare a tearful thought for one beleaguered professional group, a collection of people selflessly battling to uphold truth and justice.

We are talking, of course, about tobacco industry lawyers, people whose dedication to their generous benefactor is such that they’d deny the sun’s existence if they thought doing so would serve the cause.

And as news filters through of a massive $27 billion Canadian class-action lawsuit, tobacco giants are turning to their slick chums to save them from a potential bout of financial cancer.

Showing the sort of front that you’d only expect from Russian Mafia types, a shameless lawyer for Imperial Tobacco said:

‘It’s been a number of years, 40 to 50 years, that the dangers related to smoking have been known- and the people who decide to start smoking, or continue smoking, must assume the consequences of a choice they made’.

Ignoring the fact that most people start the addictive habit when they are susceptible kids, the tobacco industry defence is a stark one:

‘You knew that smoking our lovely sticks of gold was more dangerous than eating Polonium sandwiches, but you chose to start buying them anyway- and now it’s your choice to die a slow, agonising death’.

So, tobacco lawyers, next time you’re faced with the ‘what do you do?’ enquiry, simply avoid the truth and go for an answer much more socially acceptable:

‘Oh, I like to chop up ladies and then reassemble the parts to suit my mood. It doesn’t pay that well but it’s a job with plenty of opportunities.’

‘And by the way, can I have your phone number?’