Calling all parents with an intense dislike for their offspring and at least twenty-six grand a year to spare.

Downside school, near Bath, is offering what amounts to a perverse version of the classic two-for-one offer.

Not only can you send your little darlings away to board at a British Public School, bastion of fine academic achievement and anal assault, but by releasing them into the clutches of the clergy you are doubling the chances that they fail to emerge from their educational experience recto intacta.

Despite news that the monks may lose over-all control of the famous Catholic school’s ‘affairs’, the place will still be swarming with teacher-priests.

How many of them fall into the category of former teacher Father Richard White, libel laws prevent us from speculating.

We will say however, that not only has the deeply creepy Father White just been sent down for five years for abusing boys, but investigations are ongoing into further child abuse at the school.