In the highly unlikely event you were forced to live out one ‘hilarious’, sitcom-style misunderstanding during your lifetime, you’d be wise to avoid choosing one whereby you end up joining the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) instead of the Salvation Army.
The latter, while expressing a sort of low-grade homophobia that seems almost inevitable where religious organisations are concerned, generally falls into the ‘good guys’ category.
Mind you, for all their positive actions, you’d probably wish to avoid sitting next to one of their God-bothering members on a long-haul flight.
Because, believing as they do in a final judgment whereby a rather..er..judgmental God grants eternal happiness to the righteous (there’s going to be a lot of empty houses in Heaven, then) and dishes out endless punishment to the wicked, they are likely to disapprove of pretty much anything you enjoy doing.
Especially (and understandably) if you happen to be a leading figure in the LRA, a group whose hierarchy will go to Hell even if the place doesn’t happen to exist.
And leading these men to the fiery pits will be Joseph Kony, not so much a man with blood on his hands but more an individual doing lengths in the stuff.
Now murderous lunatic Kony, whose hobbies include abducting children and ‘forcing the boys to kill their parents and making the girls sex slaves’, has become a media sensation thanks to campaign group Invisible Children.
By releasing a video that has amassed some 32 million hits, Invisible Children appear to have succeeded in their plan to draw attention to the fugitive Kony- while simultaneously turning every budding, publicity hungry, Z-list celebrity green with envy.
Whether this will lead to his capture, and whether criticism of the video will continue to grow in Uganda, we couldn’t say.
But we wouldn’t be entirely surprised to see Kony pitching up in next year’s Big Brother household along with several Gaddafis and Nick Clegg.