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The Alternative Lifestyles Leading To Grizzly Deaths

It is difficult to argue against those who say the world is getting smaller.

Not in a deflating balloon sort of way, but due to our communications driven global economy.

With McDonald’s in Kathmandu, and terminally bored Angolan office workers whiling away the hours playing Angry Birds, there seems little from the Western world that won’t easily translate to what were once exotic backwaters.

But if seeking an exception to this new rule, look no further than Iraq, whose attitude to those graveyard-bothering misery specialists, the Emos, is startlingly reactionary.

With reports saying ‘that up to 58 teenagers have been beaten to death or shot in the last month’, you’d be safer walking Iraqi streets wearing a sparkly pink ‘George W Bush Hates Muhammad’ t-shirt, than risking the all-black attire favoured by our Emo friends.

Deranged religious militias have been joyfully expressing their compassionate side by using cement blocks to smash in victims’ skulls.

Actions that are a little on the extreme side, even for Shia cleric Moqtada al-Sadr, a man whose appearance is so stern that you can be absolutely sure he wears frilly women’s knickers underneath his holy garb.

Imploring people to stay within the law, al-Sadr has been turning American ‘family values’ campaigners bile-green with envy by saying:

‘Emos are a plague on Muslim society, and those responsible should eliminate them through legal means.’

It has been noted that so far the vast majority of those suffering ‘elimination’ have been men.

But let’s face it, if they started bludgeoning to death every Iraqi woman who wore black, the country’s birth rate would swiftly collapse to zero, as the nation’s clerics were simultaneously decimated by a swathe of celebration-induced heart attacks.